Hope and Marriage — You Can’t Have One Without the Other
Many of us are very familiar with the 1955 song “Love and Marriage” by Frank Sinatra, which celebrates, in a down-to-earth and humorous manner, the absolute truth of the indissoluble union between love and marriage in which “Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage.” As we celebrate World Marriage Day on Sunday, Feb. 9, and Valentine’s Day on Friday, Feb. 14, we can easily identify with the reality of this song from our own lives and families. Love is at the core of marriage, and marriage is at the core of love. God created man and woman in His image and likeness so they could give themselves to each other in a permanent bond of love and bring life into the world. The family is an extension of that love and represents the very life of God, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, a Trinity of love for all eternity.
A couple who has grown in love over the years truly knows what the meaning of love is all about and how it goes hand in hand with marriage, like a horse and carriage. As the years go on, it is obvious that love goes far beyond the popular understanding of love, and even its initial phase in marriage. Love embraces sacrifice, self-denial, compassion, a listening heart, and many times forgiveness. All of this is part of the very nature of love, which is revealed in the love of God for each and every one of us. The true love of marriage is what keeps the family together and enables the family to grow. True love goes far beyond any popular and sentimental song and embraces a depth of meaning which imparts true joy.
This year, we are celebrating World Marriage Day and Valentine’s Day during the Jubilee Year of Hope, initiated by Pope Francis. The theme for this year is, in the words of St. Paul, Hope Does Not Disappoint. A good reflection on marriage is one that sees marriage and hope going together just as marriage and love go together. Indeed, Frank Sinatra’s song could substitute the word hope for love, which has the same power in marriage. However, like love, hope goes beyond a popular understanding of mere optimism and includes the elements of sacrifice and forgiveness, as does love itself.
Pope Francis has frequently spoken about the virtue of hope and its importance for each and every Christian believer. Hope and marriage go together, as each of the spouses must have hope in each other as the foundation of their union. That hope is one in which each of the spouses believe in the power of God’s love in each other and find God’s presence in that. As Pope Francis has stated, “To hope, then, is to welcome this gift that God offers us every day. To hope is to savor the wonder of being loved, sought, desired by a God who has not shut Himself away in His impenetrable heavens, but has made Himself flesh and blood, history and days, to share our lot.” That type of hope in marriage is one that does not disappoint but one that is open, forgiving, and trusting just as love is.
Like true love, hope is not based on a feeling nor on our dreams coming true when circumstances do not work in our favor. Hope is also not based on what we see but in the belief that God is always true to His promise. Each partner in a marriage, husband and wife, are a promise to each other, with human imperfection and flaws, but with God’s grace and presence. In the union of marriage, true joy comes about when hope is fulfilled by trusting in God’s promise in the spouse. It is also fulfilled in each of the spouse’s willingness to change in view of their own limitations for the sake of each other and for the sake of the family. In marriage, each spouse’s good qualities strengthen each other, and each one’s failures compensate for each other. It has been said that a good marriage is one in which one partner cannot see and the other partner cannot hear.
Just as it is difficult for our world and society to understand the true meaning of love, which includes sacrifice in difficult times, it is also the same with hope. Pope Francis has stated that “Hope is a hidden virtue, tenacious and patient. For Christians, it is not an option, but a necessary condition.” Hope goes hand in hand with true love in marriage and, in the life of faith, you cannot have one without the other! It is love and hope which embody faith so that the trinity of faith, hope and love reflect the divine life of the Trinity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit! As Pope Francis reflects, “Hoping is waiting for something that has already been given to us: salvation in God’s eternal and infinite love.” God calls each of us to wait in a particular vocation, and marriage is the fundamental one to which He calls most people.
As we celebrate World Marriage Day and Valentine’s Day during this Jubilee Year of Hope, we realize how hope and love go together in marriage and that you can’t have one without the other.
Most Reverend Gerald M. Barbarito
